Monday Morning Crisis Quarterback

Andrew Koppel, 40, was found dead early this morning.  He apparently had gone on an at least day-long drinking binge, bar hopping throughout New York City.  He finally wound up, with his drinking buddy, at the apartment of one of the buddy's friends.  He went to sleep it off, and never woke up.  Among others, he leaves his girlfriend, a child, and his famous father, newsman Ted Koppel.  The cause of death has not been determined.  He had a history of alcohol abuse.

This story is in the news because Andrew Koppel's father is famous.  But deaths like this one are, unfortunately, not at all unheard of.  People who live with or love alcoholics and other substance abusers live with the knowledge that, if they don't successfully stay away from their substance of choice, someday it may very well kill the people they love.  Overdose -- in this case, apparently alcohol poisoning -- is only one of a seemingly endless number of ways that people can die from substance abuse.  Motor vehicle accidents, falling or jumping from tall buildings, or picking a fight with the wrong person are a few of the others.

It's likely that the phone call the Koppel family got this morning was shocking.  It's also likely, if stories about Andrew's drinking are true, that they knew such a phone call was a possibility.  At the same time, no one can ever really be prepared for a phone call like that.  Every family hopes that the addict they love will straighten out or sober up before they hit bottom, and the phone call informs them that their hopes are over.

This type of death brings with it a difficult mishmash of themes for those left behind.  Of course they are sad.  They are also angry, because the person who died "did this to themselves."  Unlike a suicide, however, the person didn't do it to themselves on purpose, or at least not as clearly on purpose as if they had completed a suicide.  Those left behind are mad that they didn't stop in time and mad that they couldn't.  They feel guilty because they couldn't save them, and blame others -- the person's friends or other people in the family -- because they didn't.  The drinking or drugs often go hand in hand with mental illness or other complicating factors, and it's hard to know what or who to blame for the result.  In short, it's a mess.

I don't know what kind of relationship Ted Koppel had with his son.  Maybe they were estranged, maybe they were close.  Frankly, it's none of our business.  No father holds his baby and imagines that someday he will bury his son.  No father should have to, no matter how much he may have prepared for the possibility.

Aydin Salek of South Pasadena, California, died just after midnight Sunday morning, apparently from an overdose of alcohol.  He was the student representative to the local school board and a leader and writer on his high school newspaper.  He would have turned 18 today.  He had spent the evening at a party advertised on Facebook at the home of a girl whose parents were away.  The party was broken up by Los Angeles County Sherriff's Deputies.

The accidental death of any person is a tragedy.  Parents in particular read stories like this one and worry, for good reason, about their own children.  There are about 50,000 cases of alcohol poisoning in the United States each year.  There are about 50 alcohol poisoning deaths, far fewer than from non-alcohol related car accidents, for example, but this one bothers us.  It sticks with us because it seems like something a parent can prevent.  If only we tell our children enough times, if only we teach them well, they will not make a mistake like this one.

Many parents and teachers around the country will use this story as a springboard to talking to children about alcohol and alcohol poisoning.  It's not uncommon, following a death like this, for the school where the student attended to use the occasion as the backdrop to talk about alcohol use in the community.  Undoubtedly, there are some kids who will be scared enough to listen, and many who won't.

I always worry, though, about the families in these cases.  Their child has just become the poster child for alcohol poisoning.  No matter what they accomplished in life, they will be most remembered for how they died.  People will argue about who's fault it is -- the parents, for giving him too much freedom; the party planners; the friends for not calling 911 fast enough; our culture for promoting alcohol; his for making a bad choice.  Those are public debates, but this is a private loss. 

Aydin Salek was somebody's baby, and the question of how this happened is not an academic one for them.  It is an intensely personal one that they will wrestle with for the rest of their lives.  They may choose to "make something good" of his death by educating others.  We could hardly blame them, though, if they tried to remember him more for how he lived than the senseless way he died.